03.12.2002, 23:31
Das folgende ist wohl so ziemlich das genialste was ich in den letzten paar Monaten lass.Ich lag am Boden und wisst ihr was.Es ist war :
McMahon sits at his desk, admiring himself in a mirror. In walks Good Ol' JR.
JR: Hey Vince. I have some great ideas on how to get some of the talent over.
Vince: Oh, you have some ideas about [lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]?
JR: No.
Vince: [lexicon]Kane[/lexicon]?
JR: No... I mean some of the WCW talent.
Vince: Oh, like [lexicon]Jericho[/lexicon]? We have him feuding for the WCW... err, World title don't we.
JR: The thing is, Vince, [lexicon]Jericho[/lexicon]'s been in the WWF for the past 3 years. He's really not WCW anymore. I was thinking more along the lines of people we got in the merger.
Vince: I don't know. Ric Flair seems too old to hold a title, but if you think so...
JR: Actually, I was thinking about [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T.
Vince: Who?
JR: [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T... *sighs* Spinaroonie.
Vince: Oh yeah! Spinaroonie! Great guy! I don't think so, though. He can't bring in the crowds.
JR: Well, he may not have the best mic skills, but maybe if you let him wrestle...
Vince: What, and risk hurting [lexicon]the Rock[/lexicon] or [lexicon]Angle[/lexicon]? What kind of man do you think I am! I would never risk injuring my own for a WCW wrestler!
JR: But the thing is, [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T is a great wrestler! He really never hurts anyone, and he'd be great investment if you'd let him use his suplexes and moves. He had some great feuds with WCW guys like Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner.
Vince: You don't need to "wrestle" to get over. Look at [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon], and [lexicon]Kane[/lexicon], and Big Slow...
JR: You mean "Big Show."
Vince: Whatever.
Tazz walks in.
Tazz: Hey Vince, just wondering if I had a match this week.
Vince: Yeah, I came up with a great gimmick for you.
Tazz: *excited* Really, what?
Vince: Well, this week on Raw you'll dress in drag and face Trish Stratus for the Women's title.
Tazz: *confused* So I'm going to win the Women's Title?
Vince: No, I said you would wrestle for it. I'm going to go ahead and have Trish beat you.
Tazz: *excited* Oh, wait! I get it! Someone like Rikishi or Christian will run down and cost me the match. Then I can feud with them till the next PPV!
Vince: Uh... no. I like you where you are right now. Besides, losing to Trish cleanly will help put her over as a legitimate wrestler.
Tazz: *dejected* oh...
JR: Well, Vince, instead of [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T, what about DDP! He's a great wrestler and can really work the mic.
Vince: I don't know... he made [lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon] look bad in a couple of matches...
JR: I don't think that was DDP's fault really. That's another thing, Vince. Don't you think it's time to talk to Callous about retiring.
Vince: Why?
JR: Well, don't you think his matches are somewhat lacking nowadays. Besides, his backstage politics are really constraining some of the newer [lexicon]stars[/lexicon].
Vince: I hadn't noticed.
In walks Paul Heyman.
Paul: Hey, Vince, we need to talk.
Vince: Hey, Paul! How's my creative genius doing.
Paul: I have some problems with the upcoming matches. Remember when I talked to you about RVD's next match.
Vince: Of course.
Paul: Well, I originally said I thought he should wrestler LANCE STORM, not [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon]!
Vince: I know, but don't you think [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon]'s a better opponent.
Paul: Not really. He's doesn't sell moves, has a limited moveset, and is crippled with injuries and age.
Vince: Yeah, but he's got to be better than Lance Storm.
Paul: What?
Vince: Well, [lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]'s the Phenom, and he's 100% WWF!
Paul: This is your problem, Vince. Your entire company is beginning to be based upon has-beens. I came here at your request to help salvage your falling ratings. I sold you my company, and some of the best talent in the world, so that you could have a new base of talented new [lexicon]stars[/lexicon] to revolve your corporation around. And what do you do with them? Tazz, one of the biggest names in ECW, is nothing more than a fat joke! Justin Credible, Tommy Dreamer, Raven... all buried. Rhyno is out after one of his 5000 Hardcore matches, and RVD is being buried in the middle card when quite frankly he's at least on par with [lexicon]Jericho[/lexicon] and [lexicon]Kane[/lexicon] in popularity.
Vince: You're a funny man, Paul! You should use that for your next promo!
Paul groans in frustration and leaves. He almost bumps into an entering Chavo Guerrero, Jr.
Chavo: Hey, Vince.
Vince: Who are you?
Chavo: I'm Chavo Guerrero Jr. I'm a 5 time WCW [lexicon]cruiserweight champion[/lexicon] and Eddy's nephew.
Vince: *Looks at list in front of him* Chavo... Chavo... Chavo... *points to place on list* Oh yeah, you're fired.
Chavo: Why?!?
Vince: You're uncles an alcoholic. Sorry.
Chavo: This is outrageous. You can't fire me because of my uncle's actions. You're just trying to cut me, but I have a contract. You'll here from my lawyer.
Vince: Yeah, yeah. That's what everybody else said. *hit's intercom* Lackey, remove this man.
Shane Douglas comes in wearing a Butler's suit. He grabs Chavo and drags the kicking and screaming wrestler outside.
JR: Well, what about Lance Storm or Chris Kanyon? They both have good mic skills and are fairly well known.
Vince: I don't know. They may be a little too small...
Stone Cold [lexicon]Steve Austin[/lexicon] walks in.
SCSA: Hey Vince, JR, Bitch boy.
Vince: Hey Steve.
JR: Hey Stone Cold.
Tazz: What did you call me?
SCSA walks over to Tazz, takes off his belt, and begins whipping him with it. Tazz gets up and begins to choke Austin out.
Vince: Let him go this instant or you're fired.
Tazz: But he hit me first!
Vince: I don't care. That's Stone Cold [lexicon]Steve Austin[/lexicon]! He's a former WWF Champ, and he doesn't deserve that!
Tazz: But...
Vince: What?
Tazz: This is ridiculous...
Vince: What?
Tazz: I quit! *Drops unconscious Austin and leaves*
Vince: What?
JR: Aren't you a little concerned...
Vince: No, he'll be back. He always comes back... HA HA HA HA HA!
Ric Flair enters the office, followed by Shane McMahon.
Flair: Vince, by God!, McMahon. Whoooooo!
Vince: *rolls eyes* Hi, Flair.
JR: Hey Ric.
Shane: Dad, it's not fair! I wanted to be in charge of WCW!
Vince: Shane, we've been through this. Ric Flair is still a recognizable name, like Hogan or Foley. He can help us out of this ratings slump.
Flair: Whooooo.....
Shane: It's still not fair. If I had it my way, I'd fire the senile bastard!
Flair: *begins convulsing and strutting around the office, his face turning bright purple* You can't fire me, I'm already fired! Whoooo! You can't fire me, I'm already fired! Whooo! You can't fire me, I'm already fired! Whooo! You... *continues chanting*
Shane: See what I mean. The guys' lost it! I should be the owner of WCW!
Vince: *seriously at his son* Shane, it's a gimmick. It's not real. I own both companies. You and your sisters are my employees, not my contemporaries.
Shane: I WANNA! I WANNA! I WANNA!
Shane storms out of the office. Ric is still chanting and strutting around the office.
JR: Could you please cut that out!
Flair: Jim, by God!, Ross! Whooo... To be the man, you gotta beat the man. And I'm the man! Whoooo!
JR: Flair, actually maybe you can help. We're trying to figure out a good WCW superstar to give the World Title too...
At that instant, [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon] burst into the door.
UT: Hey Vince, JR, I have a GREAT idea!
JR: This isn't going to be like the Kronik idea, is it?
UT: That wasn't my fault. Besides *in conspiratory tone* I think Tazz was really behind that.
Vince: I'll fix that sumabitch. At Heat I'll have him wrestle Funaki, and lose!
Everyone in the office laughs for a few seconds.
Vince: Whew... that was a good one. Okay, Mark, what's your idea?
UT: Picture this--[lexicon]The Undertaker[/lexicon] vs. Biggy Daddy Cool, Diesel. Hell in a Cell. Wrestlemania. The rematch of the century.
JR: Actually, we were planning on having Rock vs. HHH for the 30th time at Wrestlemania...
Vince: What are you talking about, JR? That's a great idea! Besides, we all know how well our recent PPV's have been selling when Mark main events them!
JR: Well, we'd have to buy out Nash's contract... I don't think it's a good idea.
Vince: Shut up, JR. Did it ever occur to you that no one values your opinion. That's why half the predictions you make in the Ross report never come true. D'lo Brown coming back soon. Ha ha ha ha!
Everyone in the office besides Ross laugh.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Anyway, there's one catch. Nash will want to reform the clique... a revised clique.
JR: The clique ended up being more of a hindrance than a help last time.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Nash has personally promised me this time it will be different.
Vince: Who's going to be in this clique.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Just Nash, Scott Hall, [lexicon]X-pac[/lexicon], and Justin Credible.
Vince: Justin who?
JR: Justin Credible. ECW. Former ECW champ. Impact Players.... sigh.
Vince: Doesn't ring a bell. Catchy name, though. Justin Credible. Just Incredible. Hah. Well, that sounds good to me.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Oh, one more thing. They'll all want titles.
Vince: Oh that shouldn't be difficult. We'll start by giving Waltman the Lightheavyweight title again.
JR: Well, Tajiri is a really good wrestler and is doing really well as champ. Maybe we should give him time.
Vince: Isn't he part of Kaientai?
JR: No.
Vince: Well, he should be. That's where we put all our Japanese wrestlers. That way we can make fun of their ethnic heritage.
JR: Besides, the fans don't really like Waltman.
McMahon sits at his desk, admiring himself in a mirror. In walks Good Ol' JR.
JR: Hey Vince. I have some great ideas on how to get some of the talent over.
Vince: Oh, you have some ideas about [lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]?
JR: No.
Vince: [lexicon]Kane[/lexicon]?
JR: No... I mean some of the WCW talent.
Vince: Oh, like [lexicon]Jericho[/lexicon]? We have him feuding for the WCW... err, World title don't we.
JR: The thing is, Vince, [lexicon]Jericho[/lexicon]'s been in the WWF for the past 3 years. He's really not WCW anymore. I was thinking more along the lines of people we got in the merger.
Vince: I don't know. Ric Flair seems too old to hold a title, but if you think so...
JR: Actually, I was thinking about [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T.
Vince: Who?
JR: [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T... *sighs* Spinaroonie.
Vince: Oh yeah! Spinaroonie! Great guy! I don't think so, though. He can't bring in the crowds.
JR: Well, he may not have the best mic skills, but maybe if you let him wrestle...
Vince: What, and risk hurting [lexicon]the Rock[/lexicon] or [lexicon]Angle[/lexicon]? What kind of man do you think I am! I would never risk injuring my own for a WCW wrestler!
JR: But the thing is, [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T is a great wrestler! He really never hurts anyone, and he'd be great investment if you'd let him use his suplexes and moves. He had some great feuds with WCW guys like Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner.
Vince: You don't need to "wrestle" to get over. Look at [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon], and [lexicon]Kane[/lexicon], and Big Slow...
JR: You mean "Big Show."
Vince: Whatever.
Tazz walks in.
Tazz: Hey Vince, just wondering if I had a match this week.
Vince: Yeah, I came up with a great gimmick for you.
Tazz: *excited* Really, what?
Vince: Well, this week on Raw you'll dress in drag and face Trish Stratus for the Women's title.
Tazz: *confused* So I'm going to win the Women's Title?
Vince: No, I said you would wrestle for it. I'm going to go ahead and have Trish beat you.
Tazz: *excited* Oh, wait! I get it! Someone like Rikishi or Christian will run down and cost me the match. Then I can feud with them till the next PPV!
Vince: Uh... no. I like you where you are right now. Besides, losing to Trish cleanly will help put her over as a legitimate wrestler.
Tazz: *dejected* oh...
JR: Well, Vince, instead of [lexicon]Booker[/lexicon] T, what about DDP! He's a great wrestler and can really work the mic.
Vince: I don't know... he made [lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon] look bad in a couple of matches...
JR: I don't think that was DDP's fault really. That's another thing, Vince. Don't you think it's time to talk to Callous about retiring.
Vince: Why?
JR: Well, don't you think his matches are somewhat lacking nowadays. Besides, his backstage politics are really constraining some of the newer [lexicon]stars[/lexicon].
Vince: I hadn't noticed.
In walks Paul Heyman.
Paul: Hey, Vince, we need to talk.
Vince: Hey, Paul! How's my creative genius doing.
Paul: I have some problems with the upcoming matches. Remember when I talked to you about RVD's next match.
Vince: Of course.
Paul: Well, I originally said I thought he should wrestler LANCE STORM, not [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon]!
Vince: I know, but don't you think [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon]'s a better opponent.
Paul: Not really. He's doesn't sell moves, has a limited moveset, and is crippled with injuries and age.
Vince: Yeah, but he's got to be better than Lance Storm.
Paul: What?
Vince: Well, [lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]'s the Phenom, and he's 100% WWF!
Paul: This is your problem, Vince. Your entire company is beginning to be based upon has-beens. I came here at your request to help salvage your falling ratings. I sold you my company, and some of the best talent in the world, so that you could have a new base of talented new [lexicon]stars[/lexicon] to revolve your corporation around. And what do you do with them? Tazz, one of the biggest names in ECW, is nothing more than a fat joke! Justin Credible, Tommy Dreamer, Raven... all buried. Rhyno is out after one of his 5000 Hardcore matches, and RVD is being buried in the middle card when quite frankly he's at least on par with [lexicon]Jericho[/lexicon] and [lexicon]Kane[/lexicon] in popularity.
Vince: You're a funny man, Paul! You should use that for your next promo!
Paul groans in frustration and leaves. He almost bumps into an entering Chavo Guerrero, Jr.
Chavo: Hey, Vince.
Vince: Who are you?
Chavo: I'm Chavo Guerrero Jr. I'm a 5 time WCW [lexicon]cruiserweight champion[/lexicon] and Eddy's nephew.
Vince: *Looks at list in front of him* Chavo... Chavo... Chavo... *points to place on list* Oh yeah, you're fired.
Chavo: Why?!?
Vince: You're uncles an alcoholic. Sorry.
Chavo: This is outrageous. You can't fire me because of my uncle's actions. You're just trying to cut me, but I have a contract. You'll here from my lawyer.
Vince: Yeah, yeah. That's what everybody else said. *hit's intercom* Lackey, remove this man.
Shane Douglas comes in wearing a Butler's suit. He grabs Chavo and drags the kicking and screaming wrestler outside.
JR: Well, what about Lance Storm or Chris Kanyon? They both have good mic skills and are fairly well known.
Vince: I don't know. They may be a little too small...
Stone Cold [lexicon]Steve Austin[/lexicon] walks in.
SCSA: Hey Vince, JR, Bitch boy.
Vince: Hey Steve.
JR: Hey Stone Cold.
Tazz: What did you call me?
SCSA walks over to Tazz, takes off his belt, and begins whipping him with it. Tazz gets up and begins to choke Austin out.
Vince: Let him go this instant or you're fired.
Tazz: But he hit me first!
Vince: I don't care. That's Stone Cold [lexicon]Steve Austin[/lexicon]! He's a former WWF Champ, and he doesn't deserve that!
Tazz: But...
Vince: What?
Tazz: This is ridiculous...
Vince: What?
Tazz: I quit! *Drops unconscious Austin and leaves*
Vince: What?
JR: Aren't you a little concerned...
Vince: No, he'll be back. He always comes back... HA HA HA HA HA!
Ric Flair enters the office, followed by Shane McMahon.
Flair: Vince, by God!, McMahon. Whoooooo!
Vince: *rolls eyes* Hi, Flair.
JR: Hey Ric.
Shane: Dad, it's not fair! I wanted to be in charge of WCW!
Vince: Shane, we've been through this. Ric Flair is still a recognizable name, like Hogan or Foley. He can help us out of this ratings slump.
Flair: Whooooo.....
Shane: It's still not fair. If I had it my way, I'd fire the senile bastard!
Flair: *begins convulsing and strutting around the office, his face turning bright purple* You can't fire me, I'm already fired! Whoooo! You can't fire me, I'm already fired! Whooo! You can't fire me, I'm already fired! Whooo! You... *continues chanting*
Shane: See what I mean. The guys' lost it! I should be the owner of WCW!
Vince: *seriously at his son* Shane, it's a gimmick. It's not real. I own both companies. You and your sisters are my employees, not my contemporaries.
Shane: I WANNA! I WANNA! I WANNA!
Shane storms out of the office. Ric is still chanting and strutting around the office.
JR: Could you please cut that out!
Flair: Jim, by God!, Ross! Whooo... To be the man, you gotta beat the man. And I'm the man! Whoooo!
JR: Flair, actually maybe you can help. We're trying to figure out a good WCW superstar to give the World Title too...
At that instant, [lexicon]the Undertaker[/lexicon] burst into the door.
UT: Hey Vince, JR, I have a GREAT idea!
JR: This isn't going to be like the Kronik idea, is it?
UT: That wasn't my fault. Besides *in conspiratory tone* I think Tazz was really behind that.
Vince: I'll fix that sumabitch. At Heat I'll have him wrestle Funaki, and lose!
Everyone in the office laughs for a few seconds.
Vince: Whew... that was a good one. Okay, Mark, what's your idea?
UT: Picture this--[lexicon]The Undertaker[/lexicon] vs. Biggy Daddy Cool, Diesel. Hell in a Cell. Wrestlemania. The rematch of the century.
JR: Actually, we were planning on having Rock vs. HHH for the 30th time at Wrestlemania...
Vince: What are you talking about, JR? That's a great idea! Besides, we all know how well our recent PPV's have been selling when Mark main events them!
JR: Well, we'd have to buy out Nash's contract... I don't think it's a good idea.
Vince: Shut up, JR. Did it ever occur to you that no one values your opinion. That's why half the predictions you make in the Ross report never come true. D'lo Brown coming back soon. Ha ha ha ha!
Everyone in the office besides Ross laugh.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Anyway, there's one catch. Nash will want to reform the clique... a revised clique.
JR: The clique ended up being more of a hindrance than a help last time.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Nash has personally promised me this time it will be different.
Vince: Who's going to be in this clique.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Just Nash, Scott Hall, [lexicon]X-pac[/lexicon], and Justin Credible.
Vince: Justin who?
JR: Justin Credible. ECW. Former ECW champ. Impact Players.... sigh.
Vince: Doesn't ring a bell. Catchy name, though. Justin Credible. Just Incredible. Hah. Well, that sounds good to me.
[lexicon]Undertaker[/lexicon]: Oh, one more thing. They'll all want titles.
Vince: Oh that shouldn't be difficult. We'll start by giving Waltman the Lightheavyweight title again.
JR: Well, Tajiri is a really good wrestler and is doing really well as champ. Maybe we should give him time.
Vince: Isn't he part of Kaientai?
JR: No.
Vince: Well, he should be. That's where we put all our Japanese wrestlers. That way we can make fun of their ethnic heritage.
JR: Besides, the fans don't really like Waltman.
Buahahaha....Chavo entlassen wegen Eddie!