01.08.2002, 22:21
THE TOURNAMENT BEGINS-
RVD: Wait, I need a mask. Kane can I-
Kane: No friggin’ way!
(Hurricane straps off his mask and hands it to RVD.)
Hurricane: You need it more than I do.
RVD: Thanks. You’re a true friend.
(He walks off.)
Austin: Think he’ll win?
Ric: Yeah. After all he is (Thumb thing) Robin Hood.
Rock: Oh man, don’t tell The Rock you’re starting that crap too!
ROUND 1 MATCHES:
A MYSTERY COMPETITOR (RVD) Vs SIR KURT DE ANGLE
TEST VS CHRISTIAN
GUY OF GISBOURNE VS SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM
PERRY OF SATURN (THE PRINCE’S JESTER) VS SIR MARK OF CALLOWAY
(We cut to the scene. We see the Prince, Lita and Maid Marion seated in a private box.)
Vince: Any particular man you like so far?
Stephanie: Well, I have always liked the sheriff, and Sir Kurt is also cute. Test, well, I used to like him until I realised he looked like my horse!
(We cut to Christian and Test.)
Christian: Hear that? (He looks at him.) Hey, come to think of it you DO look a bit like a horse.
(Test gives him a big boot.)
Stephanie: Christian and Guy of Gisbourne, well they’re both ugly.
Booker: She didn’t say that. Tell me she didn’t say that.
Stephanie: And your jester, what’s he even doing in the tournament?
Vince: Seeing him get pummelled amuses me.
Stephanie: And Sir Mark’s too damn old.
Jericho: She’s very picky for a slut.
Stephanie: I HEARD THAT! (To Vince) But what of this mystery competitor?
Vince: Well I’m told he’s from Parts Unknown, his weight’s unknown, his origin is unknown-
Stephanie: That’s good. I like a man with a bit of mystery around him.
(Matt and Jeff then go up to the box. They have to shove through. We see them slicking their hair back etc.)
Matt: Uh Lita, I was thinking, maybe we should consider getting back together.
Lita: Bite me Matt.
Jeff: I will.
(He leaps at her and begins to gnaw her ear. Guards then grab him and toss him and Matt out of the box.)
Matt: You see Jeff? It's all your fault-
Jeff: I'm sick of hearing that Matt. I challenge you to a ladder match!
Matt: You moron, ladder matches haven’t been invented yet!
Jeff: Damn!
FIRST MATCH:
(Kurt Angle comes out, while royal trumpet players blare out a tune. We hear applause.)
Kurt: Ah, just look at all my loving fans.
(We see the audience members have crossbows pointing at them with a knight holding up a sign saying 'Applause or else.')
Kurt: Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, I am the bravest and the most talented of all of the knights.
(The knights then turn their crossbows to Kurt.)
Kurt: Except for the guys in the crowd. I can never match up to their standards.
(They turn back to the audience.)
Kurt: Anyway, I am talented, I know no fear and what's more, I'm handsome into the bargain.
(Loud laughter from everyone at that.)
Kurt: What? Anyway, mystery man, all I ask is for you to come out here, so I can beat you ASAP.
(RVD then comes out with the mask on. He just Van Daminator's Kurt and pins him.)
Vince: He… beat…. Sir Kurt.
DDP: But that's not a bad thing, that's a good thing.
Vince: That's a good thing? Guards, throw this guy to the Rhyno!
(DDP is dragged kicking and screaming and flung into a cage with Rhyno.)
Rhyno: Hey, a new toy to play with!
(He then gores DDP and begins to beat him up. We then cut to the merry men in the stands. Kane is looking over at Rhyno as he stomps on DDP.)
Kane: Hey Mick, can I go play with the Rhyno?
Mick: We'll have time later Little John.
Kane: (Like a spoilt kid) But I wanna play with it NOW!
Mick: (sighs) Okay.
(Kane goes over and we proceed to hear what sounds like a huge fight going on.)
Rock: The Rock wants a candy floss!
Hurricane: I need to use the little super hero's room!
Austin: I need a drink! What?
Ric: I'm hungry!
Mick: Wrestlers, can't take 'em anywhere.
2ND FIGHT:
(Basically after twenty minutes of completely bad action, Test wins with a Big Boot.)
Ric: Now that match sucked.
Mick: Hey, I'm not surprised. It was Test fighting after all.
Test: You can't say that about me Foley, this isn't your new book!
(We see the Sheriff talking to Guy of Gisbourne.)
Jericho: Look Booker, how about I LET you win?
Booker: Uh, okay.
Vince: Hey, I heard that. If you DO lose this match on purpose Sheriff, you will face the only fate worse than an eternal stink face.
Jericho: Kissing Stephanie?
Vince: No, fighting Sir Kurt in a pig pen match.
(We see Jericho imagining himself wrestling with that loser in pig swill.)
Jericho: Oh God. (He acts like he's gonna throw up.)
Kurt: What's so bad about wrestling with another man in mud? Getting dirty all over, grabbing onto each other bodies-
(Booker T and Jericho look at Kurt strangely.)
Vince: Now stop stalling at get in that ring.
Jericho: (reluctantly) Okay.
3RD FIGHT:
(After a back and forth match Jericho ends it with a Lion Sault. We then cut to the box.)
Stephanie: Way to go Jeri- uh, I mean, Sheriff!
Lita: That was a good match.
(Jeff then comes into the box wearing a fake beard. He reads a book reading 'DATING FOR MORONS'. He then goes up to Lita.)
Jeff: (reads from book) Excuse me ma'am, I couldn't help how sexy you look. I was wondering if possibly I could stick my tongue in your mouth?
Lita: JEFF!
(She beats him up, before he's flung out again. He looks at the cover)
Jeff: 'Written by The Rock.'
(We cut to the stands.)
Rock: Well it works for The Rock. And if that don't get the ladies, he impresses them with his strudel.
Ric: I didn't know you could make pastry.
(The others look at Ric like he's a moron.)
4th Match: AS IF YOU NEED TOLD, SIR MARK TOTALLY HAMMERED THE PRINCE'S JESTER.
RVD: Wait, I need a mask. Kane can I-
Kane: No friggin’ way!
(Hurricane straps off his mask and hands it to RVD.)
Hurricane: You need it more than I do.
RVD: Thanks. You’re a true friend.
(He walks off.)
Austin: Think he’ll win?
Ric: Yeah. After all he is (Thumb thing) Robin Hood.
Rock: Oh man, don’t tell The Rock you’re starting that crap too!
ROUND 1 MATCHES:
A MYSTERY COMPETITOR (RVD) Vs SIR KURT DE ANGLE
TEST VS CHRISTIAN
GUY OF GISBOURNE VS SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM
PERRY OF SATURN (THE PRINCE’S JESTER) VS SIR MARK OF CALLOWAY
(We cut to the scene. We see the Prince, Lita and Maid Marion seated in a private box.)
Vince: Any particular man you like so far?
Stephanie: Well, I have always liked the sheriff, and Sir Kurt is also cute. Test, well, I used to like him until I realised he looked like my horse!
(We cut to Christian and Test.)
Christian: Hear that? (He looks at him.) Hey, come to think of it you DO look a bit like a horse.
(Test gives him a big boot.)
Stephanie: Christian and Guy of Gisbourne, well they’re both ugly.
Booker: She didn’t say that. Tell me she didn’t say that.
Stephanie: And your jester, what’s he even doing in the tournament?
Vince: Seeing him get pummelled amuses me.
Stephanie: And Sir Mark’s too damn old.
Jericho: She’s very picky for a slut.
Stephanie: I HEARD THAT! (To Vince) But what of this mystery competitor?
Vince: Well I’m told he’s from Parts Unknown, his weight’s unknown, his origin is unknown-
Stephanie: That’s good. I like a man with a bit of mystery around him.
(Matt and Jeff then go up to the box. They have to shove through. We see them slicking their hair back etc.)
Matt: Uh Lita, I was thinking, maybe we should consider getting back together.
Lita: Bite me Matt.
Jeff: I will.
(He leaps at her and begins to gnaw her ear. Guards then grab him and toss him and Matt out of the box.)
Matt: You see Jeff? It's all your fault-
Jeff: I'm sick of hearing that Matt. I challenge you to a ladder match!
Matt: You moron, ladder matches haven’t been invented yet!
Jeff: Damn!
FIRST MATCH:
(Kurt Angle comes out, while royal trumpet players blare out a tune. We hear applause.)
Kurt: Ah, just look at all my loving fans.
(We see the audience members have crossbows pointing at them with a knight holding up a sign saying 'Applause or else.')
Kurt: Ladies and gentlemen, as you know, I am the bravest and the most talented of all of the knights.
(The knights then turn their crossbows to Kurt.)
Kurt: Except for the guys in the crowd. I can never match up to their standards.
(They turn back to the audience.)
Kurt: Anyway, I am talented, I know no fear and what's more, I'm handsome into the bargain.
(Loud laughter from everyone at that.)
Kurt: What? Anyway, mystery man, all I ask is for you to come out here, so I can beat you ASAP.
(RVD then comes out with the mask on. He just Van Daminator's Kurt and pins him.)
Vince: He… beat…. Sir Kurt.
DDP: But that's not a bad thing, that's a good thing.
Vince: That's a good thing? Guards, throw this guy to the Rhyno!
(DDP is dragged kicking and screaming and flung into a cage with Rhyno.)
Rhyno: Hey, a new toy to play with!
(He then gores DDP and begins to beat him up. We then cut to the merry men in the stands. Kane is looking over at Rhyno as he stomps on DDP.)
Kane: Hey Mick, can I go play with the Rhyno?
Mick: We'll have time later Little John.
Kane: (Like a spoilt kid) But I wanna play with it NOW!
Mick: (sighs) Okay.
(Kane goes over and we proceed to hear what sounds like a huge fight going on.)
Rock: The Rock wants a candy floss!
Hurricane: I need to use the little super hero's room!
Austin: I need a drink! What?
Ric: I'm hungry!
Mick: Wrestlers, can't take 'em anywhere.
2ND FIGHT:
(Basically after twenty minutes of completely bad action, Test wins with a Big Boot.)
Ric: Now that match sucked.
Mick: Hey, I'm not surprised. It was Test fighting after all.
Test: You can't say that about me Foley, this isn't your new book!
(We see the Sheriff talking to Guy of Gisbourne.)
Jericho: Look Booker, how about I LET you win?
Booker: Uh, okay.
Vince: Hey, I heard that. If you DO lose this match on purpose Sheriff, you will face the only fate worse than an eternal stink face.
Jericho: Kissing Stephanie?
Vince: No, fighting Sir Kurt in a pig pen match.
(We see Jericho imagining himself wrestling with that loser in pig swill.)
Jericho: Oh God. (He acts like he's gonna throw up.)
Kurt: What's so bad about wrestling with another man in mud? Getting dirty all over, grabbing onto each other bodies-
(Booker T and Jericho look at Kurt strangely.)
Vince: Now stop stalling at get in that ring.
Jericho: (reluctantly) Okay.
3RD FIGHT:
(After a back and forth match Jericho ends it with a Lion Sault. We then cut to the box.)
Stephanie: Way to go Jeri- uh, I mean, Sheriff!
Lita: That was a good match.
(Jeff then comes into the box wearing a fake beard. He reads a book reading 'DATING FOR MORONS'. He then goes up to Lita.)
Jeff: (reads from book) Excuse me ma'am, I couldn't help how sexy you look. I was wondering if possibly I could stick my tongue in your mouth?
Lita: JEFF!
(She beats him up, before he's flung out again. He looks at the cover)
Jeff: 'Written by The Rock.'
(We cut to the stands.)
Rock: Well it works for The Rock. And if that don't get the ladies, he impresses them with his strudel.
Ric: I didn't know you could make pastry.
(The others look at Ric like he's a moron.)
4th Match: AS IF YOU NEED TOLD, SIR MARK TOTALLY HAMMERED THE PRINCE'S JESTER.