14.01.2005, 00:51
Natural decay
You will need: all-surpassing patience
Method: If by some insane chance, the expansion of the Sun into its Red Giant stage does not destroy the Earth (perhaps somebody moved the Earth out of the way in time), then there's still no need to fret. Protons, while incredibly stable, eventually decay like any other particle. Simply wait for a period of time of the order of 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years, and roughly half of the constituent particles of Earth will have decayed into positrons and pions. If that's still too much like a planet for you, you could wait for another 1036 years, leaving only a quarter of the original Earth. Or wait even longer. Eventually there will be as little of Earth left as you wish.
Earth's final resting place: Miscellaneous positrons and gamma radiation (pions decay almost instantly into gamma ray photons) scattered thinly across the entire universe.
Feasibility rating: 10/10. Absolutely guaranteed to work: essentially unstoppable.
Earliest feasible completion date: AD 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Source: This method suggested by Joseph Verock
methods still waiting to be added:
p-brane collision, Nikola Tesla's earthquake machine
Other, less scientifically probable ways that Earth could be destroyed
Demolished by force beams emanating from a Vogon Constructor Fleet - The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
Reduced to a great disturbance in the Force followed by sudden silence by a well-placed pulse from the Death Star - Star Wars
althorrat says "Simply detonate a hydrogen bomb enhanced with naquadah (or better yet, naquadria). The result is a nuclear reaction that keeps going until it encompasses all the matter on the planet." - Stargate SG-1
althorrat also says "Of course, if you're really feeling lazy, you could just try convincing Galactus to come back." - Marvel Comics
Induced to go nova/collapse into a black hole via injection of a Neutronium Alchemist - Night's Dawn Trilogy
Turned into a star by those meddling monoliths - 2010 - Odyssey Two
Blown up by a massive ki blast (either instantly, or after five minutes/fifteen episodes' ominous rumblings) - Dragonball Z
Reduced to subatomic dust
You will need: a weak strong nuclear force destabilizer
SNFDs are completely outside the range of modern science, but the method sounds vaguely plausible, so here it is. The strong nuclear force is what holds molecules atomic nuclei together and, for example, stops people from flying apart into clouds of free quarks. Simply aim your SNFD at Earth and fire, or activate it while on the ground, or however your model works (design may vary). Congratulations. The Earth is now an expanding cloud of dust.
Earth's final resting place: a cloud of randomized subatomic matter.
Feasibility rating: 0/10. Although originally placed in the first section, this entry was moved here because it relies wholly on fictional technology and has no basis in real events or scientific theory.
Source: N64 game Perfect Dark, by Rareware
Comments: Zarkonnen tells me that the concept first appeared in Ender's Game in the form of the Dr. Device. Thanks to ariels for telling me that the weak nuclear force holds nuclei, not molecules, together. Blasted videogames. Thanks to tdent for telling me that the strong nuclear force holds nuclei together, not the weak nuclear force, which only causes nuclear decay. Blasted ariels.
Explosively space-modulated by an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator - Marvin the Martian
Things which will NOT destroy the Earth
Armageddon, as described in the Bible. Fieari says Armageddon does not destroy the Earth, nor even everyone on it. One third of the human population is wiped out repeatedly (at least one third of one third) but then not only does the remnant survive, but God's people return from heaven and get to live in a city roughly the size of half the planet. This is as far from your definition of "destroying the Earth" as you can reasonably get, as the planet is still there AND people still live on it. Thanks, Fieari!
Paradoxes as described in Back To The Future Part II. By definition, a paradox cannot actually come into existence.
Ceasing all thought (if the Earth is not observed, then how can it exist?). Philip K. Dick said it best: "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
Detonating all the nuclear weapons ever created simultaneously, either all at one location or strategically placed around the globe. This will irradiate pretty much the entire globe and cause a nuclear winter but will actually destroy very little of the planet itself.
Proving that 1=0. If one did indeed equal zero, so it is reasoned, then since is one Earth, there must be zero Earths... so, if one could prove it, the Earth would cease to exist. This is specious logic. Finding a proof in mathematics does not magically change a fact from being false to being true. It merely verifies rigorously as true a fact that always was true. Thus, if 1=0 could be proved, then it would always have been true and the Earth should never have existed. But Earth is still here. QED.
General advice
In addition to the equipment listed above, and regardless of choice of method, you will of course need several more things: support, money, planning and brains. Not necessarily all of them, though. Sufficiently dedicated supporters can provide you with money (though not necessarily brains). Brains will enable you to do your own planning and earn or steal the money for yourself. And money can of course hire supporters, planners and scientists to work for you. Probably the most important of these is planning, because planning will enable you to pick up the slack when your supporters, creditors and scientific advisors threaten to desert you.
What subjects should I study if I want to destroy the Earth? Though not necessarily essential, a working knowledge of the method you're intending to use to destroy the Earth is useful. For this you'd be advised to pursue mainly sciences, with the main emphasis on physics (quantum, atomic, and astrophysics in particular), but also some electronic and mechanical engineering, mathematics and possibly robotics. But you can pay other people to think for you; your time might be better invested studying finance and economics, and brushing up your management, speaking and people skills, powers of persuasion, and charisma. Charisma is definitely a big one.
How about careers? Again, working in the sciences will provide you with lots of useful know-how when the time comes to destroy the Earth, but unless the method you select can pulled off with equipment lying around in your lab (which is not impossible - see the Strangelet and Von Neumann Machine methods respectively), you may find yourself powerless to put your plan into action. Instead, you need to seek a position of power - join a big company (perhaps ICI, NASA, Boeing, or a bank) and work your way up to CEO. This will provide you with lots of useful resources which you can use to put your plan into action. Politics and the armed forces are also great possibilities.
Assuming, of course, that you and whatever trusted advisors you have allowed to side with you do not intend to "go down with the ship", it is advisable to make plans for alternate living arrangements before you embark on a course of action which may result in the destruction of the Earth. Since in most cases the hypertechnology required to actually destroy the Earth is ridiculously advanced, access to an interstellar spacecraft, a space station or another habitable planet is likely to be well within your grasp, but please, plan ahead.
Stand at a safe distance. Lurking at least one AU out of range of whatever terrible destructive force you are about to unleash is strongly recommended in most cases, but for the supernova particularly you'll want to put as much as a thousand light years between yourself and the Earth when it happens.
If you have to be physically on Earth to begin the destruction process (e.g. von Neumann machines, antimatter blast), then set a countdown of at least a week. Make sure the countdown timer is a) thoroughly tested and b) tamper-proof. The same goes for your escape route.
If the method you choose can be tried more than once (e.g. hurled into Sun, vacuum energy detonation), and your budget will stretch, you could consider practicing on smaller astronomical bodies and working your way up. For example, consider destroying Mercury, or Ceres. Don't forget to take notes on what went particularly well, what didn't work, what was unnecessary, etc., just so everything goes as smoothly as possible on the big day.
Take a camera. Most of the methods listed above are incredibly spectacular and witnessing them will probably be once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you, so remember to capture the moment.
If you do fail, don't give up! Remember, nobody has ever successfully destroyed the Earth.
If the Earth's major governing body or bodies get wind of your plans ahead of time, they may well try to interfere with the scheme or even avert it. You should try to keep your plot to destroy the Earth as secret as possible, or at least provide yourself with a means of defence/escape in case someone does try to intervene. Alternatively, consider taking the relatively trivial precaution of wiping out the population of the Earth beforehand. See also The Evil Overlord list for lots more general advice on these topics.
You will need: all-surpassing patience
Method: If by some insane chance, the expansion of the Sun into its Red Giant stage does not destroy the Earth (perhaps somebody moved the Earth out of the way in time), then there's still no need to fret. Protons, while incredibly stable, eventually decay like any other particle. Simply wait for a period of time of the order of 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 years, and roughly half of the constituent particles of Earth will have decayed into positrons and pions. If that's still too much like a planet for you, you could wait for another 1036 years, leaving only a quarter of the original Earth. Or wait even longer. Eventually there will be as little of Earth left as you wish.
Earth's final resting place: Miscellaneous positrons and gamma radiation (pions decay almost instantly into gamma ray photons) scattered thinly across the entire universe.
Feasibility rating: 10/10. Absolutely guaranteed to work: essentially unstoppable.
Earliest feasible completion date: AD 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
Source: This method suggested by Joseph Verock
methods still waiting to be added:
p-brane collision, Nikola Tesla's earthquake machine
Other, less scientifically probable ways that Earth could be destroyed
Demolished by force beams emanating from a Vogon Constructor Fleet - The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
Reduced to a great disturbance in the Force followed by sudden silence by a well-placed pulse from the Death Star - Star Wars
althorrat says "Simply detonate a hydrogen bomb enhanced with naquadah (or better yet, naquadria). The result is a nuclear reaction that keeps going until it encompasses all the matter on the planet." - Stargate SG-1
althorrat also says "Of course, if you're really feeling lazy, you could just try convincing Galactus to come back." - Marvel Comics
Induced to go nova/collapse into a black hole via injection of a Neutronium Alchemist - Night's Dawn Trilogy
Turned into a star by those meddling monoliths - 2010 - Odyssey Two
Blown up by a massive ki blast (either instantly, or after five minutes/fifteen episodes' ominous rumblings) - Dragonball Z
Reduced to subatomic dust
You will need: a weak strong nuclear force destabilizer
SNFDs are completely outside the range of modern science, but the method sounds vaguely plausible, so here it is. The strong nuclear force is what holds molecules atomic nuclei together and, for example, stops people from flying apart into clouds of free quarks. Simply aim your SNFD at Earth and fire, or activate it while on the ground, or however your model works (design may vary). Congratulations. The Earth is now an expanding cloud of dust.
Earth's final resting place: a cloud of randomized subatomic matter.
Feasibility rating: 0/10. Although originally placed in the first section, this entry was moved here because it relies wholly on fictional technology and has no basis in real events or scientific theory.
Source: N64 game Perfect Dark, by Rareware
Comments: Zarkonnen tells me that the concept first appeared in Ender's Game in the form of the Dr. Device. Thanks to ariels for telling me that the weak nuclear force holds nuclei, not molecules, together. Blasted videogames. Thanks to tdent for telling me that the strong nuclear force holds nuclei together, not the weak nuclear force, which only causes nuclear decay. Blasted ariels.
Explosively space-modulated by an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator - Marvin the Martian
Things which will NOT destroy the Earth
Armageddon, as described in the Bible. Fieari says Armageddon does not destroy the Earth, nor even everyone on it. One third of the human population is wiped out repeatedly (at least one third of one third) but then not only does the remnant survive, but God's people return from heaven and get to live in a city roughly the size of half the planet. This is as far from your definition of "destroying the Earth" as you can reasonably get, as the planet is still there AND people still live on it. Thanks, Fieari!
Paradoxes as described in Back To The Future Part II. By definition, a paradox cannot actually come into existence.
Ceasing all thought (if the Earth is not observed, then how can it exist?). Philip K. Dick said it best: "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
Detonating all the nuclear weapons ever created simultaneously, either all at one location or strategically placed around the globe. This will irradiate pretty much the entire globe and cause a nuclear winter but will actually destroy very little of the planet itself.
Proving that 1=0. If one did indeed equal zero, so it is reasoned, then since is one Earth, there must be zero Earths... so, if one could prove it, the Earth would cease to exist. This is specious logic. Finding a proof in mathematics does not magically change a fact from being false to being true. It merely verifies rigorously as true a fact that always was true. Thus, if 1=0 could be proved, then it would always have been true and the Earth should never have existed. But Earth is still here. QED.
General advice
In addition to the equipment listed above, and regardless of choice of method, you will of course need several more things: support, money, planning and brains. Not necessarily all of them, though. Sufficiently dedicated supporters can provide you with money (though not necessarily brains). Brains will enable you to do your own planning and earn or steal the money for yourself. And money can of course hire supporters, planners and scientists to work for you. Probably the most important of these is planning, because planning will enable you to pick up the slack when your supporters, creditors and scientific advisors threaten to desert you.
What subjects should I study if I want to destroy the Earth? Though not necessarily essential, a working knowledge of the method you're intending to use to destroy the Earth is useful. For this you'd be advised to pursue mainly sciences, with the main emphasis on physics (quantum, atomic, and astrophysics in particular), but also some electronic and mechanical engineering, mathematics and possibly robotics. But you can pay other people to think for you; your time might be better invested studying finance and economics, and brushing up your management, speaking and people skills, powers of persuasion, and charisma. Charisma is definitely a big one.
How about careers? Again, working in the sciences will provide you with lots of useful know-how when the time comes to destroy the Earth, but unless the method you select can pulled off with equipment lying around in your lab (which is not impossible - see the Strangelet and Von Neumann Machine methods respectively), you may find yourself powerless to put your plan into action. Instead, you need to seek a position of power - join a big company (perhaps ICI, NASA, Boeing, or a bank) and work your way up to CEO. This will provide you with lots of useful resources which you can use to put your plan into action. Politics and the armed forces are also great possibilities.
Assuming, of course, that you and whatever trusted advisors you have allowed to side with you do not intend to "go down with the ship", it is advisable to make plans for alternate living arrangements before you embark on a course of action which may result in the destruction of the Earth. Since in most cases the hypertechnology required to actually destroy the Earth is ridiculously advanced, access to an interstellar spacecraft, a space station or another habitable planet is likely to be well within your grasp, but please, plan ahead.
Stand at a safe distance. Lurking at least one AU out of range of whatever terrible destructive force you are about to unleash is strongly recommended in most cases, but for the supernova particularly you'll want to put as much as a thousand light years between yourself and the Earth when it happens.
If you have to be physically on Earth to begin the destruction process (e.g. von Neumann machines, antimatter blast), then set a countdown of at least a week. Make sure the countdown timer is a) thoroughly tested and b) tamper-proof. The same goes for your escape route.
If the method you choose can be tried more than once (e.g. hurled into Sun, vacuum energy detonation), and your budget will stretch, you could consider practicing on smaller astronomical bodies and working your way up. For example, consider destroying Mercury, or Ceres. Don't forget to take notes on what went particularly well, what didn't work, what was unnecessary, etc., just so everything goes as smoothly as possible on the big day.
Take a camera. Most of the methods listed above are incredibly spectacular and witnessing them will probably be once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you, so remember to capture the moment.
If you do fail, don't give up! Remember, nobody has ever successfully destroyed the Earth.
If the Earth's major governing body or bodies get wind of your plans ahead of time, they may well try to interfere with the scheme or even avert it. You should try to keep your plot to destroy the Earth as secret as possible, or at least provide yourself with a means of defence/escape in case someone does try to intervene. Alternatively, consider taking the relatively trivial precaution of wiping out the population of the Earth beforehand. See also The Evil Overlord list for lots more general advice on these topics.