11.01.2005, 21:25
Hier mal der Link zu einer Kolumne auf dem PWTorch von heute:
http://www.pwtorch.com/artman/publish/ar...1473.shtml
[Bild: http://www.pwtorch.com/artman/uploads/lesnair.jpg]
Puerto Rico...Last night...
Vince McMahon: Hunter, my boy, I'm glad to be leaving this place. Good-bye Puerto Rico. Not only did we have that god-awful pay-per-view, but I couldn't even get clearance to fly my plane here. Some paradise, huh?
Triple H: Plus they have lots of brown people here. Ugh….brown people.
Vince: Uh, sure. Whatever. Anyway, I'm glad you were able to charter this flight for us. You say this is one of the only Continental US Charter flights coming through Puerto Rico?
Hunter: Yeah, the name's "Lesnair."
Vince: Lesnair? That sounds a lot like…
The intercom plays a familiar voice
Captain [lexicon]Brock Lesnar[/lexicon]: Good evening, passengers. This is your captain, [lexicon]Brock Lesnar[/lexicon], speaking. We would like to welcome you all to the flight today and thank you for flying "Lesnair - the Next Big Thing in Airline Travel." We'll be leaving Puerto Rico shortly, making a few stops on our way to Stamford and we'll be traveling at an altitude of 35,000 feet. Hopefully we won't come crashing to the ground like a botched Shooting Star Press. That all depends on whether or not our two passengers of honor take me back into WWE, though.
Vince: What did he just say?
Brock: Ha ha. Just kidding, folks….sort of. Please sit back and give your full attention to the head of our flight crew, Rena Mero. She'll be leading you all through the safety lecture.
Hunter: Dad, I swear on my hair, I had no idea that [lexicon]Lesnar[/lexicon] would be the….
Rena Mero: Silence! Now, all passengers are required to wear their seatbelts tightly around their waists. Failure to do so will result in immediate execution.
Vince: Oh man. Someone shoot me.
Rena: Careful what you wish for, pops. Also, in the event of a water landing, my implants can be used as a flotation device. We advise the two passengers here today to sit back and relax as the stewardess will be around to take your drink orders.
Hunter: (smiling) You gotta admit that this is sort of funny, Vince. I mean, this must be so uncomfortable for you. How bad does it suck to be on a plane with…
The stewardess walks up to the two seats. Triple H, turned towards Vince, doesn't look up at first
Chyna: Hello, gentlemen. Can I take your drink order?
Hunter: Yes, I'll have the…(looking up and seeing Chyna) Oh f**k.
Vince: Ah ha ha ha!
Chyna: Hey. Oh, hey. Hey there. Hey, Hunter. How are you? You look good. Doing good? Good. I'm doing good. I'm doing real good. Everything's going real…uh, good.
Hunter: Yeah, that's great. I'll have the…
Chyna: Yeah, real real good. Seriously, like really good. I was on the Surreal Life tonight. Honestly, I'm on the whole season. Peter Brady is on it too, so it's like top notch. Top shelf people, you know?
Hunter: Wonderful. Listen, I'll have the…
Chyna: (nervous laughing) Yeah, I can't even remember my time in the WWF. It's like, I've achieved so much without it that I hardly even remember it at all. Everything is good.
Hunter: Good. Good.
Chyna: Yup. Good.
Awkward pause
Hunter: OK, so anyway, I think I'm going to need to stay awake on this flight since I'm surrounded by…(smiling) friends. So just get me a coffee, ok?
Chyna: Would you like some arsenic in that?
Hunter: (surprised) Arsenic?
Chyna: (laughing a bit too hard) Oh my God! Did I say arsenic? I meant Non Dairy Creamer. Arsenic? Where did that come from? Oh man. I meant to Non Dairy Arsenic! Oh my God! I said it again! Ha haha! Arsenic! I'm just playing. I'm just playing. Sit back and relax, H. I'll just run up front and get you your cup of coffee with arsenic.
Chyna leaves
Vince: (whispering) I wouldn't drink that coffee if I were you.
Hunter: No sh*t.
The intercom rings out again with a message from the Captain
Brock: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have turned on the "Please Take Back [lexicon]Brock Lesnar[/lexicon]" signs. Please observe. Now, as we continue our smooth sailing, I will be turning over the wheel to our co-pilot and going back to the cabin so I can mingle with some of our guests.
Vince: Oh no.
Brock leaves the cockpit and walks towards Vince and Hunter. He's grinning ear to ear as Mr. McMahon squirms
Brock: Hey guys! How have you been?
Hunter: What's up, Elway?
Brock: (Sarcastically) Ha ha! Elway! I get it! I get it! Like the football player. You're one funny guy.
Chyna: (returning with coffee) Here's your…uh, haha…."special" coffee.
Brock: Nice work, Joan. (whispering) Did you put the you-know-what in it?
Chyna: Hell's yeah. Two vials of it.
Hunter: (pushing the cup away) Right. I'm suddenly not thirsty.
Vince: So, Brock. What's the deal? When did you get an airline?
Brock: Well, I bought this plane, remember? I've had it sitting in my driveway for like months and I can't find work. It just seemed like a natural money-making opportunity. It's so stupid. I thought this plane would help with my busy WWE schedule. Who knew that I'd quit so soon afterwards?
Hunter: Uh…you knew. You're the one that quit.
Brock: Why don't you just drink your coffee, Dracula?
Vince: Look, Brock. I’m not talking to you about a return anytime soon. Why don't you just go back and fly the plane?
Brock: (smiling) OK. Tell you what, I'll send my co-pilot back here to hang with you. Bye bye.
Vince: I don't like the sound of that.
The co-pilot emerges and Vince's face drops
Paul Heyman: (Sweating profusely and dancing) Thank you, Brrrroooooock Lesssssnar! Hello, Vinnie. Hello, Hunterie.
Vince: No. No, no, no.
Heyman: What a magical journey, boys. You know, anything's possible. We are the music-makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. Come along, come along. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!
Hunter: Oh man. He's finally lost it.
Heyman: (singing) Come with me and you'll be…in a world of pure imagination. Take a look and you'll see into your imagination. We'll begin with a spin….traveling in the world of my creation…
Vince: This is crazy. Enough! Brock, you take us back to Stamford this instant!
Brock: Oh, but Vince, we have so much more to do. It'll be a while before you get home. First we need to make some stops. We'll be picking up Bruno Sammartino and Wendi Richter and Nailz and Jim Hellwig and….
Vince and Hunter: Nooooooooooooo!
Camera pans back to reveal Rod Serling
Rod Serling: Submitted for your approval, 2005's version of the plane ride from hell. This time the culprits are different, but the anguish is equal. Two men, one who is the game and one who runs the game, both learning that there are no pit stops when you charter a plane from Puerto Rico scheduled to arrive…in the Twilight Zone.
http://www.pwtorch.com/artman/publish/ar...1473.shtml
[Bild: http://www.pwtorch.com/artman/uploads/lesnair.jpg]
Puerto Rico...Last night...
Vince McMahon: Hunter, my boy, I'm glad to be leaving this place. Good-bye Puerto Rico. Not only did we have that god-awful pay-per-view, but I couldn't even get clearance to fly my plane here. Some paradise, huh?
Triple H: Plus they have lots of brown people here. Ugh….brown people.
Vince: Uh, sure. Whatever. Anyway, I'm glad you were able to charter this flight for us. You say this is one of the only Continental US Charter flights coming through Puerto Rico?
Hunter: Yeah, the name's "Lesnair."
Vince: Lesnair? That sounds a lot like…
The intercom plays a familiar voice
Captain [lexicon]Brock Lesnar[/lexicon]: Good evening, passengers. This is your captain, [lexicon]Brock Lesnar[/lexicon], speaking. We would like to welcome you all to the flight today and thank you for flying "Lesnair - the Next Big Thing in Airline Travel." We'll be leaving Puerto Rico shortly, making a few stops on our way to Stamford and we'll be traveling at an altitude of 35,000 feet. Hopefully we won't come crashing to the ground like a botched Shooting Star Press. That all depends on whether or not our two passengers of honor take me back into WWE, though.
Vince: What did he just say?
Brock: Ha ha. Just kidding, folks….sort of. Please sit back and give your full attention to the head of our flight crew, Rena Mero. She'll be leading you all through the safety lecture.
Hunter: Dad, I swear on my hair, I had no idea that [lexicon]Lesnar[/lexicon] would be the….
Rena Mero: Silence! Now, all passengers are required to wear their seatbelts tightly around their waists. Failure to do so will result in immediate execution.
Vince: Oh man. Someone shoot me.
Rena: Careful what you wish for, pops. Also, in the event of a water landing, my implants can be used as a flotation device. We advise the two passengers here today to sit back and relax as the stewardess will be around to take your drink orders.
Hunter: (smiling) You gotta admit that this is sort of funny, Vince. I mean, this must be so uncomfortable for you. How bad does it suck to be on a plane with…
The stewardess walks up to the two seats. Triple H, turned towards Vince, doesn't look up at first
Chyna: Hello, gentlemen. Can I take your drink order?
Hunter: Yes, I'll have the…(looking up and seeing Chyna) Oh f**k.
Vince: Ah ha ha ha!
Chyna: Hey. Oh, hey. Hey there. Hey, Hunter. How are you? You look good. Doing good? Good. I'm doing good. I'm doing real good. Everything's going real…uh, good.
Hunter: Yeah, that's great. I'll have the…
Chyna: Yeah, real real good. Seriously, like really good. I was on the Surreal Life tonight. Honestly, I'm on the whole season. Peter Brady is on it too, so it's like top notch. Top shelf people, you know?
Hunter: Wonderful. Listen, I'll have the…
Chyna: (nervous laughing) Yeah, I can't even remember my time in the WWF. It's like, I've achieved so much without it that I hardly even remember it at all. Everything is good.
Hunter: Good. Good.
Chyna: Yup. Good.
Awkward pause
Hunter: OK, so anyway, I think I'm going to need to stay awake on this flight since I'm surrounded by…(smiling) friends. So just get me a coffee, ok?
Chyna: Would you like some arsenic in that?
Hunter: (surprised) Arsenic?
Chyna: (laughing a bit too hard) Oh my God! Did I say arsenic? I meant Non Dairy Creamer. Arsenic? Where did that come from? Oh man. I meant to Non Dairy Arsenic! Oh my God! I said it again! Ha haha! Arsenic! I'm just playing. I'm just playing. Sit back and relax, H. I'll just run up front and get you your cup of coffee with arsenic.
Chyna leaves
Vince: (whispering) I wouldn't drink that coffee if I were you.
Hunter: No sh*t.
The intercom rings out again with a message from the Captain
Brock: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have turned on the "Please Take Back [lexicon]Brock Lesnar[/lexicon]" signs. Please observe. Now, as we continue our smooth sailing, I will be turning over the wheel to our co-pilot and going back to the cabin so I can mingle with some of our guests.
Vince: Oh no.
Brock leaves the cockpit and walks towards Vince and Hunter. He's grinning ear to ear as Mr. McMahon squirms
Brock: Hey guys! How have you been?
Hunter: What's up, Elway?
Brock: (Sarcastically) Ha ha! Elway! I get it! I get it! Like the football player. You're one funny guy.
Chyna: (returning with coffee) Here's your…uh, haha…."special" coffee.
Brock: Nice work, Joan. (whispering) Did you put the you-know-what in it?
Chyna: Hell's yeah. Two vials of it.
Hunter: (pushing the cup away) Right. I'm suddenly not thirsty.
Vince: So, Brock. What's the deal? When did you get an airline?
Brock: Well, I bought this plane, remember? I've had it sitting in my driveway for like months and I can't find work. It just seemed like a natural money-making opportunity. It's so stupid. I thought this plane would help with my busy WWE schedule. Who knew that I'd quit so soon afterwards?
Hunter: Uh…you knew. You're the one that quit.
Brock: Why don't you just drink your coffee, Dracula?
Vince: Look, Brock. I’m not talking to you about a return anytime soon. Why don't you just go back and fly the plane?
Brock: (smiling) OK. Tell you what, I'll send my co-pilot back here to hang with you. Bye bye.
Vince: I don't like the sound of that.
The co-pilot emerges and Vince's face drops
Paul Heyman: (Sweating profusely and dancing) Thank you, Brrrroooooock Lesssssnar! Hello, Vinnie. Hello, Hunterie.
Vince: No. No, no, no.
Heyman: What a magical journey, boys. You know, anything's possible. We are the music-makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. Come along, come along. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!
Hunter: Oh man. He's finally lost it.
Heyman: (singing) Come with me and you'll be…in a world of pure imagination. Take a look and you'll see into your imagination. We'll begin with a spin….traveling in the world of my creation…
Vince: This is crazy. Enough! Brock, you take us back to Stamford this instant!
Brock: Oh, but Vince, we have so much more to do. It'll be a while before you get home. First we need to make some stops. We'll be picking up Bruno Sammartino and Wendi Richter and Nailz and Jim Hellwig and….
Vince and Hunter: Nooooooooooooo!
Camera pans back to reveal Rod Serling
Rod Serling: Submitted for your approval, 2005's version of the plane ride from hell. This time the culprits are different, but the anguish is equal. Two men, one who is the game and one who runs the game, both learning that there are no pit stops when you charter a plane from Puerto Rico scheduled to arrive…in the Twilight Zone.
